And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
