So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
