fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
