not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
