The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
