you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
