Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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