I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
