Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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