dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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