my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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