things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
