You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
