If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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