I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Two words: blizzard sex
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
