My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
