Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize