im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
