I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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