1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
