The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
