oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize