Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
