hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
