Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
