dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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