My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
