Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize