i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
