Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
