Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
