this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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