I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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