remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
