And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
