how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
