I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
