it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
