I accidentally burped into my bong.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
