Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize
