They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize