im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just had sex bonerless
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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