is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
