I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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