You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
