I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
