I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she looked like the before picture.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
