There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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