Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
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