Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
