You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
