this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
