I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
