My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
