SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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