I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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