Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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