How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
