all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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